Dreams and Other Beautiful Things

What does it take to build a dream?

What does it take to pull out of every day life of repetitive tasks and paying bills and addressing immediate concerns?

Sometimes a shock, or a nagging idea that wakes you up at night and makes you pull out your sketchbook, or when no other option seems open to you, because your life would not seem RIGHT without that.

I don't think most people have just one dream, either.  I think about the dreams I've had over the years:

Owning a horse (ages 4-14)

Meeting God (always in the back of my head)

Getting married (ages ? - never mind)

Having kids

Being a nun

Graduating from law school

Being a great belly dancer

Being financially stable

Having a career

Getting healthy

Going to Spain

And more.  Some of these have happened,  some not.  Some I've released (such as owning a horse!) and some remain held in hope.  Some happened without any planning at all.  Some take a great deal of structure.

I read a passage in a book I am reading in my faith sharing group that essentially says, Sometimes just as there are no sufficient answers, the questions themselves are a mystery.  Therein lies faith.

I marveled recently that my life has been pretty freakin amazing, and how did I get here?  I do not have answers, simply gratitude, and wonder, and sometimes, faith.

Love. Pray. Believe.

I'm determined to not get sick at all during 2014.  I'm eating crazy healthy, getting lots of sleep, getting a fair amount of exercise.

Of course, we are only one week in.  But, I don't make resolutions.  I make plans.

I've already sent in my vacation requests for now through April.  I'm laying groundwork for things to accomplish at work for the next two years.  I'm developing a new organizational system to be more on top of stuff there, too.

I stopped blogging for a while because I felt all I had to say was negative: My back hurts, I'm sick, I'm worried, I'm lonely...

And while that all was/is TRUE, I didn't want to make it a focal point. Dwelling solves nothing.

And whenever I start to think, "wow, has anything at all CHANGED??" a few things come along to remind me that life is ever so much different -better, happier, calmer.

I had a difficult talk with my physical therapist (not to be confused with my personal trainer, with whom talking is rarely difficult!) this morning, and this, too, underscored how much healing has been done in me.

There were a couple awkward/weird moments during my last PT session, and my first inclination in such situations is to simply move on.  But, he is really good, and it isn't about HIM, it is about me, and how I never actually communicated a few things to him, like how I find being touched by people I don't know to be an intense experience.

So, I practiced in my head what I wanted to say, and how I wanted to say it.  The talk went really well, and I committed to letting him know when I need some space or a break, and he committed to remembering a few things, too.

Believe it or not, this is real progress.

2013, in retrospect, was a year about learning to trust.  I was reminded over and over that I am surrounded by Love, and that God is always with me, and wants what is very best for me.

2014 seems to be a call to move forward in that trust and take some risks.  The command, "Love! Pray! Believe!" is really a reminder that those basic actions keep my life open to the will of God, and attuned to His constant call to my heart.

I really don't know what 2014 will have in store for me.  I'm kind of excited to see.