Heading to Spain?

I have a ticket to fly to Spain and walk the Camino de Santiago in just a few weeks.  I bought the ticket in January and have been thinking about doing it for quite a while before I even bought the ticket.

I do not really know why I chose to do this.  I just know I'm supposed to.

My GOD, this past year has been a challenge.  Okay, two years.  Wellll, closer to three.  Beautiful wonderful things happened.  Some devastating things happened.  I want to be able to pick out a few months where NOTHING dramatic happened, but can't do that.

Between physical issues, health issues, family issues, work issues... this has been a roller coaster.  This last bit with the pain in my jaw being so incapacitating I was plotting my own death, had me just finally say, Really, what I am I thinking??

I do not know the purpose for me walking that pilgrimage.  I do not know why I am drawn to it.

When insecurity takes root and I start to think of all the things that could go horribly awry and that everything is NOT how I want it to be for the starting point (better at Spanish, better at walking long distances, more confident, more...) the ugly thought grows that this was in fact a TERRIBLE flight of fancy and I ought to be sensible, cancel the trip and use the funds for something like retirement.

Yet, there it is.  I am going.

I am going to show up in front of God exactly as I am, however prepared (or not) however messy, however confident, however able, however it is.  God knows EXACTLY what He is getting in this.

God isn't asking me to do this to show how awesome I am at trip planning.  Frankly, I am not sure why He is calling me to do this, but I do hope it will be more clear by the time I return.

So, there I plan to be, my first official step on the Camino somewhere in Sarria, Spain, and walking until it is time to stop.

Here is where the faith, trust and hope stuff comes in.  I just have to show up, in whatever condition my soul and my body and my mind may be in, and as always hand all that over to Him.

He always seems to handle that just fine.