Holy Ground

I used to work at a Catholic university where we started every meeting with, "Let us recall we are in the presence of God."  I really liked that... although recently in the tumult of ADHD, I forgot where I was and opened a meeting with, "Let us recall we are in the presence of God..." to a chorus of laughter.  I work for a state-run university now.  We open meetings with, "Hey, according to the Naval Atomic Clock, it is 8AM... here are the activities the late folks are assigned to attend..."  The only mention of God in such meetings is usually an exclamation of which I'm not sure He approves.

A few Advents ago, I joined with a few other ladies in head-covering during Mass.  I wore a rather subtle black hair scarf, so no one actually knew I was covering my head, and that was fine with me.  Lace mantillas don't have the cache they once carried.  Still I knew, which was the whole point.  I am in the presence of the Eucharist, and it reminds me to focus, that things are special, to sit up and take notice.

A few times when I was in a particularly low place, I would wear that head scarf around doing daily stuff... my own quiet reminder to myself that every moment of every day, I am in the presence of God.

Sometimes, we all need little tangible remainders that we are not alone.  I keep pics of my peeps on my desk to remind me that no matter how rotten a day can turn out, there are people who love me despite knowing my flaws and who will let me live in their basements if everything goes pear-shaped.  Some people wear rings to remind them or carry locks of hair or prayer books or Bibles, or maybe like me, carry a rosary in my purse or pocket.

We are human.  We need something solid to hold on to sometimes just to remind us of what we know already, and it can't always be someone else's hand.

I do know, and all these things remind me, when I hold God's hand, everywhere I step is Holy and Sacred and in His Presence.

Books and Writing

I want to finish a book.  Not finish READING a book, I have no problems with that.  I have problems with bits of half-fleshed out ideas inked onto paper that I abandon, never to return.

I love to write.  My energy for it wanes, though, at the end of a long day already spent in front of a computer.  Even with story ideas it becomes difficult to keep staring a couple more hours into a monitor.

Still, I keep thinking this is my one true gift, and I am not using it to its potential.

I have two whole weeks off work at Christmas, and I keep coming back to the idea that some of this time could wisely be spent working on this story in my head that keeps cropping up and making noise and being all distracting.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive and inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

Writing a book for God. Huh. Wonder how this will turn out.

Christmas is Coming!

We've been subjected to the the exclamation Christmas is Coming since mid-July, it seems. I love Christmas, and one of the joys of being a single adult of independent means is that I get to celebrate it however I like.

Since it is my policy to never celebrate Christmas with relatives, pretty much everything gift-related has been handled, and me, being me, cannot WAIT to open a gift until the actual day of Christmas, so my actual Christmas Day has nothing whatsoever to do with gifting. I rather like that.

I choose the Mass I go to, sometimes going to more than one because midnight Mass is soo beautiful, and the Children's Mass is so darn cute, baby angels and a wee Joseph who goes on walkabout.

Generally, I'll pop into a friend's holiday feast. Someone once remarked that having friends as well as relatives at their holiday dinner encouraged everyone to be on good behavior, as few families will air out petty grievances in front of strangers. So everyone is having a good time, and I'm contributing to the general happiness just by being there. When I weary of people, I get to leave!

I'm looking forward to having Two Whole Weeks off work. I am weary and bit burned out from work and just need some rest, some time to do my own thing and think my own thoughts.

For once, I am jealously guarding my "down time" and making very few commitments. This is difficult for me, but I keep reminding myself, the point of this time is to reboot, to get back in touch with what really matters, to regain proper perspective.

Which is kind of the whole point of Christmas, really, anyway. Our Savior came to this world so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly.

Unexpected Delight

I try to embrace the surreal in life.  I kind of enjoy that odd people come up and talk to me for no particular reason.  Sometimes it is just strange, and sometimes it is strange and beautiful (like the guy on the beach in San Diego who told me I sparkle, and he wanted me to know that in case no one had ever told me!  Or the woman who approached me at Scottsdale Fashion Square to tell me I had a bright blue aura and that I just glow... etc. ) That stuff happens all the time to me, and I like it.

I like when you come across unexpected beauty.  Like in my pic above, the graffiti butterflies. (I do so love street art!)  Or you happen across a flash mob.

One of my favorite surreal things is the I-17 Christmas Tree.  From all the research I've done, whoever does this every single year has kept their secrets well.  It just shows up to my great delight.

This isn't a great picture, as the sun was not cooperating in its placement in the sky, and I had to dodge semis to get a good pic at all... but there it is.  Alone on a desolate stretch of desert highway, its only purpose to bring a smile to strangers' faces.

A reminder that someone loves us all.  A reminder that sometimes all something has to do is exist in order to bring happiness.

A small place of unexpected beauty and delight.

Peace? Stoicism?

Philippians 4:6-7 is reminding me to not be worried, to talk to God and His peace will descend upon me.

DESCEND!  DARN IT!!

Truthfully, it isn't so much that I am worried about anything, it more about being tired and disappointed.

I'm no Pollyanna.  I'm fairly practical.  I know that being human means we're all imperfect and that we regularly disappoint each other.  Neither am I a particularly trusting sort or very optimistic in general.  I believe in developing stoicism and becoming strong so that whatever happens, you will either survive it, or die honorably.

I also know from simple observation that the Lord working things out in His time does not necessarily correspond to my personal happiness at any given moment.  Job is an excellent example of this.  I don't suppose the first set of Job's children were all that excited about their part to play in God's plan.

Sometimes, it is just a wee bit hard to shake off the sadness when someone disappoints you, especially if one is sad about a host of other things when such things occur.  Sometimes, it is hard to take an eternal view, which is how God sees everything.

Still, I know, even when I don't FEEL it particularly, that the Lord does have plans for me, and you, and the disappointing people, and the hurting people, and the sad people, and the anxious people... plans for our good and not to hurt us, giving us a future and a hope.  (Jer 29:11-13)

When I am weary and sad, I try to hold on to that.

Playing with Matches

Okay, fine, I can admit this... I signed up on an online dating site this week. What is scary is that I have done this occasionally before (admittedly, it has been a number of years since I've done so) and have rarely gotten second glances.

So, I'm a wee bit overwhelmed that I'm getting any response, much less the level I've had. A couple look actually promising, which is even stranger.

However, I have to just laugh about human nature for a bit. I'm describing myself as "about average" which, when I look around, that's about right. Anyway, I've got lots of pictures so someone can determine for himself if I'm average or not in the looks department.

What cracks me up are guys who described themselves as "athletic and toned" when, um, I think I could beat them in Festivus feats of strength, and not just because I'm freakishly strong for a woman. Or someone who describes himself as having a great sense of humor, and every pic looks like he is attending a funeral. Or someone who claims a college degree and every other word is misspelled, and not in a "typo" way.

I'm sure I'm not a paragon of perfection when it comes to writing a profile. Still, I like to think if one is going to bother with it at all, try to make it a quality experience!

Chicka Doodle Soop

I've been battling the plague this week. As a result, I've been living off chicken soup and herbal tea and some sort of tree bark syrup a friend SWEARS will help and is better for me since it is Natural. And it tastes really good, so I'm using it and just not telling her I am supplementing with NyQuil.

Anyway, in a fit of optimism,I tried to go to work a few times and got unceremoniously sent home by my staff. As I left, I could hear them spraying my office with Lysol and some sort of Clorox mixture. No respect.

Today, I worked out a wee bit (really, ,just enough to remind me I'm sick) and ran a few errands, spending prolly half my pay in the raptures of enthusiasm for Christmas.

I got home and realized, I'm kinda hungry. Yay! Haven't even looked at food in a week. Two cans of chicken soup and herbal tea is about 300 calories a day. (I freakin better have lost weight this week!!!) Fortunately, I was prepared for this day and have sandwich stuff on hand. I ate about half of my sandwich and now I'm blogging about it before I fall asleep.

I really wanted to be my normal energetic self this week. I missed a lot of fun stuff due to this... Two holiday parties, my friend Steve's wedding. Still, loving self care means addressing your body's needs, not ploughing through ignoring them.

And really, I do really like chicken noodle soup. Not the grown up kind or gourmet anything... Campbell's Condensed Soup that is intended for little kids. Don't fancy it up with stars or princess shapes, either. I'm a purist.

That and my electric kettle were my best friends this week. Thank you, God, for mass production.