There were various messages throughout the weekend about following Christ. The readings for Mass were about taking up our cross and following Christ. The homily talked about how following Christ is something the world cannot understand and it will set you up for ridicule. The Cross is not an easy thing to bear, and in fact can only be done with the grace of God. The Love of Christ is meant to be spread, not kept in a closet.
Some of the other things that happened addressed, "What do you care about deeply? What are you afraid of? Be fearless in following Christ's call to you! Focus on His call and your fears will fade."
Sunday I went to a great yoga class, and at one point the teacher said, "What is it that is important to you and why is it important? Focus on that and all the noise will fade."
A friend visited whom I love deeply, and with whom I have almost nothing in common except our mutual badassedness. In course of our weekend some other things clarified for me.
1. I care about money to the extent that I do not have to choose between paying rent or paying the light bill or buying medicine. "Rich" does not interest me except when I daydream about setting up a foundation and becoming a philanthropist. This can be construed as irresponsible by some, but here is the truth.
2. My only regrets in life come from not following my gut instinct and instead doing what I thought other people expected of me, or bowing to peer pressure or letting my fear overwhelm me.
3. Things are meant to be used. People are meant to be honored and respected and loved. Problems come when the two get mixed up. This holds true even for people who do not honor, respect or love me.
4. Peace and security have absolutely nothing to do with not picking fights or being wealthy or being protective. Passivity is not peace. Peace is a gift and an intention. Security is linked to a deep peace. Money does give me options, but if I base my sense of security in the pursuit of wealth, I will never have enough. Security is also not the pursuit of always being completely safe in an objective sense. I can never be 100% safe -crimes and emotional hurts happen every day, everywhere. The deep peace of Christ comes from the faith that His hand upholds me even in the midst of violence and despair. This is not an easy thing. It is a gift and a practice.
5. My fears are real in some sense, overblown in others, and useless for following the Way.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
When I pray this, it is an offering of my entire life to the will of God. Sometimes I snatch it back, but the essence of this is to be the Light of Christ in the world.
When I do not take the time to be silent and let all the noise of the world fade away (my ambition, my desire for comfort, my grasping for a sense of safety, the voices of others who do not follow Christ) I am drawn in too many directions to be effective or have any sense of peace and a paralyzing fear is sure to follow.
I vaguely recall a line from a poem (the name of the author now faded into history) that sums it up nicely:
The way is long and the water deep
you must not only walk there
but be prepared to leap.
"It is a gift and a practice." So, so true!! :)
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