"Okay, God, you know what all my needs are better than I do. You also know all the solutions. MY solutions do not appear to be working out very well. Please lead me to Your solutions, whatever they may be and wherever they may lie. Thank You. Amen." (me, every other day or so...)
My friend Lori uses the expression, when embarking on a new venture, "God, please bless it or break it!"
I'm a bit afraid to ask that of Him. Sometimes my absolute ACHE for certain things to happen make me honestly not care if God is in it or not, and what if He took me seriously and wiped out the possibility of that thing?
I told another friend about a new job lead that looks promising and he emailed, "I have great faith that if you do move, that you will be leaving while you're in a good, strong place physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you aren't then I pray that God closes that door so you stay longer to work on it."
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! iwantoutoutoutoutoutoutoutoutout!!!!!!!
Okay, yeah, I know, God works all things for our good. Whatever!
So, in the midst of these decisions, I had to sit for a while and think, "Okay, what if these events I earnestly hope for do not come to pass and I find myself here another year despite all my best effort?"
The absolute despair and sadness and isolation that washed over me at the mere thought is difficult to describe. I do not want that. I am looking for a geographic solution -out.
Yet, faith means being okay with the results, trusting that God sees the big picture, and everything does in fact work to our good.
2-1/2 years ago I requested a transfer to Phoenix. I had all sorts of reasons, and my boss said no. Since I really love my job, after pouting privately for a while, I realized I had to make my life work for me here. I had to stop looking for a geographic solution.
Looking back, that was the greatest blessing-in-disguise I have ever received. If I had been transferred, I would never have assembled the awesome team who helped me get my life and health back. I would never have been in the position to get all the great experience that allows me to look at shinier jobs. I would have continued to run from the real problems.
No matter how much I want something, I have evidence that any disappointment leads to something even better.
So, no matter how things turn out, everything is quite fine, okay and more than sufficient.
I get it, Amy! I have always been one to run somewhere new for a variety of reasons. But, when I pushed for it, despite God, it never turned out right. When I followed His lead, things worked out. Have faith and pray that God puts you where you need to be.
ReplyDeleteOh, I fought our good Lord for so long...sometimes, I still do :) He never gave me that geographic out, though; he had other plans. Sometimes I still think "Really?! This is what you planned?!" I still want some answers in the end! Hugs, friend, I feel ya.
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