Dating and Modern Men and Dads and St. Joseph's Day

St. Joseph was really a stand-up guy.  I mean, really, can you even IMAGINE being an imperfect, flawed human married to the Blessed Virgin, and raising the Christ Child?  That had to be a bit challenging some days.

Still, in doing his best, he provides a nice example of manly, protective, nurturing love that all of us can learn from... but I hope the guys pay attention most of all!

I've now been dating about 27 years.  I feel I've learned and grown through all my various relationships -good and bad and downright ugly.  When I write about the job our culture does on the minds and hearts of women, there is also a simple acknowledgement that our culture also plays such a mind game on men.  This leads some men into thinking that relationships and sex are games, and brings all sorts of craziness to life.  After having been in a couple abusive relationships, I am quite aware that some men are attracted to the sparkly adventurous butterfly in me because they want to capture it and pin it to a wall.

Still, I am blessed to know many good men who provide examples of real love and commitment and proper priorities.  Most of them were not born this way -some of them were downright bad people until they turned their lives around.  I do not think there is any more over-protective person in the world than a former "bad boy" who becomes the father of a daughter.  They KNOW.

So, in honor of all imperfect dads, I'm going to share some lovely stuff about my dad.

He sent me off to school every day with, "If they give you any crap, feed em a knuckle sandwich!"

He wrote me a letter every single week all through college and law school.

He taught me how to play chess, use a slide rule, dig post holes, throw a punch, tell boys "no," math is fun, tie my shoelaces, drive, why it is AWESOME to be Catholic, and that God always and forever comes first.

He let me try out for the wrestling team at my grade school in South Bend.  I did well, but for some reason, they still didn't want me.  :-)  My dad was willing to go to the mattresses if I really wanted to be on the team, but I decided I'd rather stick with ballet.  My mom was rather relieved, as I recall.

When my older brothers told me at the tender age of 5 that I was adopted and they didn't really want me but they had to take me in because someone left me on the doorstep, I woke my dad up crying, and he sleepily tried to find my birth certificate to prove I wasn't adopted.  My mother grumbled vaguely from bed that she was quite positive I wasn't adopted.  My dad could not find the birth certificate, and promised me I wasn't adopted, to which I responded, "The boys said you'd say that!!" at which point he became quite irritated with my brothers.  He tucked me into bed and gave me the best advice ever, "Sometimes, boys will try to get your goat.  Ignore them."

In college, my then-boyfriend and I were visiting my parents.  After my parents went to sleep, C and I were on the lower level of the house watching TV, and he was trying his darndest to convince me we ought to go into another room and "go all the way."  I kept saying no, and finally said I was going to bed and would see him in the morning.  When I went up the stairs, I saw my dad sitting on the couch, looking as angry as I've ever seen him.  Turned out when he got up to get something from the kitchen, he overheard our little exchange.  The next morning, he told me that real men respect women's boundaries and he thought very little of that young man I had brought home with me.  I relayed that to C a bit later, and he was shocked that my dad had witnessed his behavior, and "straightened up and flew right" after that.  It took quite a while before my dad thought better of him, but I don't think he ever thought all that much of him at any point, and wasn't sad at all when we eventually broke up.

When the time came to leave the convent, I called my dad to come get me, and he showed up exactly when I wanted him to, helped me load stuff into the trunk, gave me a candy bar and said, "Lotus, you gave it everything.  God has bigger things in mind for you."  I spent two weeks staring at the ceiling until he and my brother conspired to send me to Michigan to play with my little niece and nephew and have something to do besides stare at the ceiling.  He gave me space and time to get my head together enough to find a job and figure out the next move on the chess board.

Every time I talk to him on the phone, he tells me he loves me and is proud of me.  That's still pretty cool.