Good Friday, I woke up and had a lovely morning walking around Flagstaff and feeling all badass. As I was kneeling through the Stations of the Cross at noon, it suddenly hit me.
It is time to go home. I'm ready.
I'm from Indiana originally, first South Bend, then a few years in Evansville, then West Lafayette for undergrad and Valparaiso for law school. In my mid-30s I moved back for a couple years to try out the convent and promptly moved away when that didn't pan out. I've lived a lot of different places since then.
I do not often visit. I have friends back there, and we keep up with each other mostly on Facebook and email. I have family, but given the delicate dance my dad and I do to stay civil with each other, it has been wiser to stay away for a while. (Mostly me, honestly. I get more aggravated with my dad than he does with me.)
It has been over two years since I went back to Indiana.
The funny thing about my birth state -I refer to it as "home" but it doesn't FEEL like home, but it still is the place with the BEST doughnuts and BEST candy and BEST German food and MOST BEAUTIFUL scenery, and a people I understand. Hoosiers never make it long term in Minnesota, because a Hoosier is direct and blunt and occasionally offensive, where Minnesotans smile and nod and completely ignore you and sometimes undermine you in the name of non-confrontation. (I think even my dear MN friends would agree with this.) I like blunt, most days. Confrontation is second nature to a people raised with the idea that "he needed killin'" is a viable defense.
Maybe that's why AZ fits me so well. These people are downright combative.
I was chatting with a friend this morning about how when you aren't secure in your own self, it doesn't take much to throw you off. People content in their own dysfunction have an investment in your dysfunction, and they know the buttons to push. So, I've stayed away for two years, working on my own head and heart and stability.
The last time I went home, I was a head case for over a month. I am quite confident that this time, the visit will be pleasant and maybe even fun, and I can keep my expectations low and my positive attitude high.
I am finding I am missing that part of Indiana that pulls at my heart and calls me back.
I find the people in AZ combative, but in an irritating, passive aggressive kind of way ;) I like to keep it direct, which is why I really stick out here, or have to keep my mouth shut! It is good to go "home," keep it kind of brief, get that breath of air, and then return to your life. You will do great!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy! Arizonans really are a different kind of people altogether!
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