I've had a lot of swirly thoughts lately. I'm on my way to a funeral in a few minutes, and so this inevitably makes me think about death and other funerals and what it means to be part of a community or a family.
Most of a relationship, I truly believe, lies simply in showing up... you show up for the big events and little events and times when someone needs you and times when you just want to hang out with them. You never have enough time in your life to develop proper relationships, so you have to MAKE time. If you spend more time on Face Book than actually talking to other people, maybe there is a good way to get some extra time in your day.
I had an epically bad date the other night and of course I had to make fun of it and try to make sense of it all. One thing I am aware of that really points out the sea change of the last two years... Two years ago, I would have spent the entire evening with this lout, trying to "fix" the situation, wondering what I was doing wrong, trying to MAKE him like me! That night, a few minutes in, as the sensation of drowning was beginning to overtake me, I simply thought, "This guy is horrid company, how do I get out of here without being so rude I later feel bad about myself?"
In a way, that is kind of how I am learning to approach many relationships: It is not up to me to fix other people, or their lives or situations... and I certainly don't need everyone to like me any more. (I still prefer it that way, but no longer spend time in angst wondering how to change someone's attitude toward me.)
It has been a very strange week with a lot of pulling in different directions. It has been a bit of wintery spring, and not just because of the cold, gray skies and bit of snow.
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