44 Reasons

I'm turning 44 next week.  According to FB, I'm turning 103.  I really need to get around to changing that. I'm probably skewing their stats somehow.

Last year (when it was readily apparent the previous year, in which I turned 42, turned out to be a huge clusterfuck of a year, and I could not think of more than one or two good things that happened) I decided to write down one good thing every single day so I could not say that about this past year.

I'm really glad I decided to do that. The challenges this year have been pervasive and sometimes disheartening.  I've been ill several times, my back has gone out and now I find out it is actually really in bad shape, very big staffing challenges at work, struggling with loneliness, struggling to stay positive and hopeful and healthy.

I do have a tendency to look back on a year and see everything that DIDN'T happen. Didn't lose more weight, get in better shape, find a new job, meet a boyfriend, learn Spanish or get my Christmas cards out before Christmas.

So, what was in my Blessings Jar?

Spain.  Spain was a very big happy thing.

Mostly it was little things.  A surprise note from my sister in law, a phone call from my cousin, lunch with dear friends, someone bringing me Lumberyard mac n cheese when I was sick, a good book or a sweet Snapchat or text from a darling niece.  Someone whose opinion matters to me saying he was proud of me.  Sitting on a beach with a dear friend thinking about nothing at all.  Small lucky things, like a bill being smaller than I thought it would be, or a car accident that just BARELY didn't happen. Beautiful things, those moments when you are real and the person you are with is real and it is scary and vulnerable and lovely all at once. God things -unexplanable events, love, forgiveness.

I was looking for 44 reasons today reminding me of happiness, and got 365.  Not a bad practice at all.

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