Fair Pay Gospel

Everyone knows the Gospel from today... A guy intermittently hires various people throughout the day and at the end of the day, pays them all the same.  The folks who worked hard all day thought they deserved more pay than the folks who showed up at the end.  The guy told them to suck it, in a very Biblical way.  He can pay the same to everyone if he wants to.

Aren't we all kind of like that? I know I want to get paid more when I work harder, regardless of the deal struck at the beginning.  It Isn't Fair is my inner mantra.  We are all about merit, and forget that salvation, grace, love, are all pure gift.

In our limited view, we completely ignore the gift of being chosen early.

Think about it. Day laborer, you don't even know if you will get hired at all.  You worry about feeding your kids, keeping the roof over your heads.  Then bang, you get chosen for a job first thing!

How you rejoiced!  Fair pay negotiated, you get to work, planning what to do with that day's wages.  You spend the day thinking how you will feed your kids, and maybe even buy a new skirt for your daughter who has been oh so patient with her old one.

You are happy when the next wave of laborers arrive - more hands make work light.  It is hot, sweaty work, but there you are, earning a living, the wolves pushed back from the door one more day.

Then, your employer calls it a day and starts handing out wages.  You notice he is giving what he promised you to the folks who showed up last.  You assume you will be given even more because you were there ALL DAY.

Except, what he places in your hands is exactly what he promised you first thing in the morning. And you are mad because you MERITED more pay, at least in your own eyes.

You have completely forgotten about the joy you carried with you from that moment you were chosen all day long... The joy of security, of being able to make plans, to let go of the fear.

You forgot about that gift of peace, which the folks who showed up at the end of the day did not experience.  They sat on that corner, eaten up by fear that there will be no food or shelter because there was no work.  They weren't among the chosen until the end.

Just something to think about.

People Who Like You

So, I went home to Indiana this past week, with a quick trip to Boston after that.

I went to Indiana to be with my SIL whose mother passed away.  Her mom was a beautiful person who was so good to me, especially when I was a teenager.

In the midst of the sadness, there were a lot of funny and happy moments.  As the days went by, I found myself less anxious and sad.

Being around people who like you has that effect.  I get bursts of it here and there in normal life, but going someplace and having a wee lad shout, AUNT AMY IS HOME!! and flinging his arms around your legs has the effect of making you feel downright popular.  Lots and lots of hugs and tears and giggles and all those things that makes you feel so much less alone in the world.

Being with people who know you pretty well and want to be around you because they find so much about you positively endearing really does soothe over the rough patches of being in a tough world with people who see you as a means to an end, rather than an actual person.

There is strength in having people who remind you that you are more than a spreadsheet, or a target or Productive Contributor.  There is power in being reminded who you REALLY are -strong, resilient, honorable, true.  And there is simple joy in knowing you are loved, imperfect, but present, and real.

Broken Hallelujah

I’ve been crying a lot lately.  Crying from joy, sometimes.  Crying from relief.  Crying from stress, disappointment, sadness. Crying from the reality of betrayal. Crying from exhaustion, bewilderment, a sense of being constantly behind and overwhelmed.

On the way home from the gym this morning, I heard this:

(Cue music)*

God of Mercy, sweet love of mine

I have surrendered to your design  (my brain:  BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CHOICE)

May this offering stretch across the sky  (HERE IT IS!! THIS GIANT PILE OF COMPLETE CRAP!)

and these Hallelujahs be multiplied  (MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME????)

And right there, I pulled over to the side of the road, put my head in my hands and sobbed, the WHY? detonating to the deaf heavens.  Empty fingers covering my eyes, forehead on the steering wheel, the inescapable reality of desperation.

and then:

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

and there it was... someone who actually understood that everyone has a breaking point, that everyone gets their faith shaken, that everyone reaches a point where only blind hope keeps them moving forward no matter how empty their hands or their hearts.

I started the car, and drove back into the rest of the day.



* Need To Breathe, Multiplied, and Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah