...it is not by the sword or the spear that the Lord saves...1Sam 17:47

I will dance and resist and dance and persist and dance. This heartbeat is louder than death. “ — Suheir Hammad

Thursday, April 24, 2014

So Not Fair

"Fair" is a strongly held value for me.  I dunno if it is because I was raised a middle child or have a deep sense of justice or simply like things being all even and orderly.

I once whined to a friend about some sort of small injustice I was experiencing and he said, "What's fair anyway?  Is it fair that children die of hunger?"

I looked at him flatly and said, "No. And I intend to talk to God about that one, too."

So, while the last few days I have been focusing on all the ways life has been Not Fair to me in these ways:

Caught between two people in an ethical situation;
Various difficulties at work;
No time to do things like get my car fixed (minor problem); and
Restricted resources...

it is always in the back of mind my about the other ways life is Not Fair to me:

Meaningful, well-paying work;
Healthy body;
Mostly working brain;
Resources such that all my needs are met, and a great many of my "wants";
Wonderful friends who have my back, and really would let me live in their basements;
A boyfriend who loves me beyond all reason and leaves funny voicemails to crack me up;
Working transportation; and
really too many things to list.

It doesn't even out all nice and orderly.  I am beyond blessed, and need to remind myself of that.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Seeing Takes Time

To see takes time, like having a friend takes time -Georgia O'Keefe

I fell in love with Georgia's work over 20 years ago, haunting the halls of the Chicago Art Institute, which has the largest collection of her work in the world.  My favorite among all my favorites is Blue and Green Music.  I want to sing and cry all at once when I am in its presence.

One time I was privileged to have a good chunk of free time and sat in front of the Chagall Centennial window for two hours straight... I wanted to sit there and just look at it until I didn't see anything new.  That took two hours.

My friend Tammy came to visit me at my hotel in STL last week, sporting pizza and salad and drinks (the salad we left pretty much untouched.)  She is a newlywed and she shared some advice that the presider at her wedding told them:  Every single day, stop and take a good look at your spouse.  Life gets busy and too often it is easy to go days without really SEEING them and seeing how they are doing.

Since she shared that with me, I have realized how true that can be. I have so many constant distractions -my cell phone, my to-do list, my own thoughts.

This past weekend I went to visit someone I care about deeply.  The greatest gift I gave to "us" was turning off my cell phone.  I wanted all of me to be THERE in the moment, grateful and happy.

The weekend was one of the best ever.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Liquor is Quicker

The old saying:

Candy is Dandy but
Liquor is Quicker
-Ogden Nash

is actually about getting a person into bed, so it is shocking they stuck that into the Willy Wonka movie. Darn insidious rhymes.

Anyway, I gave up sweets for Lent.  This lasted for three weeks and two days until stress and sleeplessness got the best of me, and I ate, like, all the doughnuts. In. The. World.  Then proceeded to turn to candy.  Then the baked goods began to disappear from store shelves.

Yes, my dear children, Auntie AmyAnne is a sugar addict.

There are no 12 step programs for this.  In a real sense, what harm does it really do?  I mean, it isn't heroin or anything.  I'm functional to drive, hold down a job, be nice to people, perform daily activities without impairment.

I just feel so uncomfortable with the real knowledge that when the going gets tough, I knee-jerk turn not to God or my friends or my painstakingly-cultivated healthy habits... but to sugar.  And the sugar is consumed until it is gone or I'm too physically sick to continue. (Then start up again once the queasy feeling passes.)  And of course, the spiral just keeps going since sugar only makes you feel better/numb/nothing for about 5 minutes.

I do not pretend to be unique.  I'm just wondering (which, when I am in the middle of it seems to be the worst time to try to figure it out!) if it is even worth the struggle?

I'll answer that once I'm done with the peanut butter cups!

Friday, April 4, 2014

Pink Ribbon Sweet Potatoes

I made these for my sis in law while she was recovering from a double mastectomy.  She loved them so much we had them three times!

So, here they are!

Ingredients

Sweet potato
Green pepper
Onion
Spinach
Feta
Bacon 
Black pepper
Garlic
Salt
 cinnamon
Avocado for garnish.

Bake the sweet potato.  Poke holes in it or it will explode.  Learn from my mistake.

Anyway, then cook the bacon, about two strips per baked potato is a good ratio.

Then do a bit of a stir fry with the chopped onion and green pepper, about a handful of each. Throw in a handful of spinach and stir until wilted a bit.

Split open the sweet potato and sprinkle black pepper, garlic, a wee bit of salt, and cinnamon.  Mix it in a bit with the sweet potato innards.  Break up the bacon into bite size pieces and sprinkle on top. Sprinkle a bit more black pepper.  Then top with the onion, green pepper and spinach. Then top with a bit of feta cheese and garnish with avocado.

So yum. 

Showing Up

Lots of ups and downs and ups and slides and climbs and trips and flights this week.

Sometimes there is too much going on to be believed -sick friends and relatives, new love, job opportunities, crazy-making colleagues.  Trying to be in several places at once -Flagstaff, Detroit, Knoxville, Evansville.

But here are bright spots from the last couple weeks:

Him:  I love you because you are beautiful and Catholic and smart and kind and sweet and... (a few other lovely things)
Me: (pause)  Wait!  Did you just say you love me???
Him: (pause)  Why yes.  Yes.  I do love you.
Me: That is awesome, because I love you, too.

(and then the heavens opened and a choir of angels sang the Hallelujah chorus while dancing on rainbows or maybe that part was just in my head)
:::

While dumping out the drainage bulbs attached to my SIL...
Me: Crap. I just spilled the drainage cup all over me.
SIL:  It's okay. I won't make you lick it up.
(barely made it to the bathroom in time to retch, SIL laughing hysterically. Score one for the patient.)
:::

My 11-yr-old nephew curling into my arms and whispering in my ear:  Aunt Amy, I miss you.  I love you. I miss you.  Wanna watch me play Minecraft?
:::

Geeking out meeting Shannyn Caldwell and she geeked out on meeting me.  That was cool.

Getting a free First Class upgrade to Detroit.

Getting to work out at a local gym for free.

Running on a treadmill at a 6 incline with no pain at all.

Lots of time to try new recipes and a SIL to try them out on.

Remembering and living that Love Means Showing Up.