2013 was not a year to go down in the books as The Best Year Ever. However, it did not completely suck, as I was careful to write down all the non-sucky things to remind myself my life is actually pretty damn good.
My assistant, Katrina, and I were chatting today about my back. She is studying to be a physician's assistant, and her husband is a physical therapist, so she has a rabid interest in these things.
One of the very hardest things for me to do as I try to live a reasonably healthy life is the integration of physical activity since my back has been making a lot of noise. I actually love to exercise, but over the years I have learned to keep going, even when it hurts. It's just pain, you know?
My physical therapist about had a stroke when I mentioned I had gone running over the holiday. I've been told by several health professionals that maybe someday I will be able to run again, but now is not that time. While I was running, it was awesome... the next day I was hobbling along. He said, "I am really happy your back felt good enough to go running, but please don't do that again until we get it healed."
Then yesterday I had an AWESOME workout with my trainer... yeah, my back started to hurt a bit during the lunges, but it wasn't bad... and then later I stood stooped for an hour helping actresses with their hair... today, I am hobbling and feeling rather teary.
Katrina gave me the LOOK, the one she usually reserves for me waving goodbye to a deadline, "You're not going to get better if you keep that up!"
"I know, I know!" I said. "But it is so hard to know when to stop and I have been such a SLUG since August... I hardly work out at all, and PT isn't really calorie burning -it is all these small movements and I have to stop so fast and I'm getting FAT again and my jeans are tight and I'm freaking out!"
"THAT doesn't matter!" she waved her hands. "Your back matters! You won't be able to exercise at all if you aren't mobile! Priorities! Your back is your priority! If you gain weight you will lose it when your back is better! How hard do you think it will be to lose weight if you are stuck in bed because your back is out??"
Then I got the stern I-love-you-but-I-will-smack-you look as she waited for my promise to love my back enough to be aware when it is done with an activity. She didn't wait long. She scares me a little.
So, "patience," "compassion" and "awareness" are the words of the month.
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