Calms and Storms

I was talking to a former colleague and she said, You were always so fun to work with, and so calm!

I was a bit nonplussed at that statement until she reminded me of the time when an hysterical drug addict came into our little storefront law firm in Indiana, and how I kept my head and just dealt with it and was super calm with her.  Or the time a client was losing her head over the possibility of losing custody of her kids and how quietly I managed the situation.

Okay, I will own being good in a crisis.

Yesterday was not that day.

To be fair to myself, this has been building.  It was a rough day to begin with, and  I've been getting sucker punch after sucker punch lately from Life and yesterday culminated in an emergency root canal.  This was not good news.  I could feel my already stress laden brain panicking as the memory of the severe pain from my last root canal in July came to mind, along with ending up in the hospital and missing a lot of work.

I had a total meltdown at the endodontist's office.  She was very kind and explained that happens a lot, including the asthma attack and throwing up part.  That was very nice of her.  She then wrote me a scrip for Valium.

I had to go to Target and while there realized I was past the point of dealing rationally.  So I got a lot of candy -intending to binge quite frankly.

Once I got home and played with Roxy (shout out to Jayne for taking her to her vet appt while I was getting needles stuck in the roof of my mouth!) and ate dinner, I chilled out a bit.  My cousin Hammie called and we talked.  I baked cookies for my dear friend I am visiting today in Louisiana.  I picked a date to travel to Barcelona in the spring.  I packed my suitcase.  I was a lot calmer.  

Eventually, I had a chat with God and apologized for handling things so badly yesterday.  He said it wasn't a big deal and really I am being too hard on myself.  It was a bad day and crying is good for your skin and also releases stress hormones.  Pretending things are fine when they aren't doesn't really benefit anyone.

So as I walked out to the kitchen this morning, I saw the big bag of candy.  I had forgotten I'd bought all that.  I was right when I realized I was beyond dealing with the day rationally.  It wasn't a rational day.  It required dealing with all the emotions and stress and fear and pain.  It did not require candy.  It required love and friends and crying and some really sweet painkillers.

And today is a brand new day.