One of the most amazing and inspiring women I have ever met, Stephanie, and I discussed bravery a bit the other day. Stephanie recently made a video about her own experiences growing up in a violent household, including the murder of her mother by her father. She made the video to encourage people in violent situations to get the help they need to save themselves.
She is one of the bravest people I know. I told her that and she asked me why. I, of course, responded, that you were so vulnerable and honest and open in that video. That is scary to share so much of yourself to help other people.
She responded, very soberly, I thought I was brave to make the video because my father is still alive, not in jail, and I am still scared of him 40 years later. It doesn't make sense, but I am.
Yes. It isn't really rational, considering the man's age and general lack of opportunity for revenge. Fear is rarely rational. She knew I understood. Her bravery became even more inspiring.
Sometimes people who have seen the absolute worst of humankind know exactly how cruel people can be to each other, and how easy it can be to descend into that pit. That kind of fear -the fear of somehow being hurting and helpless again- (and that isn't even exactly what I mean) is very hard to release when you take it in as a child. How you grow and learn to be in the world is shaped by that evil. You heal from it more and more every day, but healing is a very long and very intentional process that is impossible without grace.
"Brave" takes many forms. Brave is making a good life for yourself no matter your roots. Brave is being in loving and healthy relationships. Brave is doing the hard work to let go of anger, hatred, fear, revenge. Brave is knowing that nothing outside yourself can ever EVER diminish your value. Brave is being honest always. Brave is taking responsibility for your own growth. Brave is finding your voice and using it in love. Brave is choosing love and forgiveness and compassion.
Under any of those definitions, she is possibly the very bravest person I know.
And here is the link to her video, so you can help spread the word to end domestic violence now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wn3_0fhspn8&feature=em-share_video_user
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