Mass Appeal

I was chatting with a friend this past weekend and he mentioned that some friends who moved to town were looking for a church home, especially since they had a close knit church in the city they were moving from.  He put it this way:  "They had a good group of folks to live their lives with."

As I sat at Mass this morning, I pondered that statement.  I think nothing underscores the fact that the current place I live is not my home than that simply put statement.

I love our parish and our priests.  In five years, though, I am no closer to making a group of church friends people I live my life with than I was five years ago.  I have actually one close friend i made through jail ministry, and she is so very dear to me I hate to put things in a harsh light at all.

I have lived in towns smaller than this one, and cities much, much larger.  In most places I have been very involved in parish life, serving as a lector, Eucharistic minister, starting singles groups, serving on the liturgy committee, volunteering for lots of stuff.  Here, no matter how I have tried, there has only been two activities that have led me to greater relationship with those around me - jail ministry and attending Mass.

Jail ministry has introduced me to some great folks, but with one notable exception mentioned above, no one to simply hang out with and live in faith and relationship.  Mass reminds me every single weekend that the purpose of Mass is worship of God and the Eucharist, and not about hanging out with friends.  The painful reminders usually come as the people around me greet each other as old friends, and are very nice to me, but that about the extent of it.  Five years of this, and trying very hard to be involved during that time, has led me to simply talk myself into staying through Mass and reminding myself that I'm here for God.  My relationship with God gets better through attending Mass, I chant to myself.

Although I felt sorry for myself at about 10:30 this morning, I don't feel sorry for myself now.  I really believe that when you are in the right place for you, God puts the people in your life to support whatever your mission is there.

This beautiful area has been a safe, sheltering place to heal and to learn how to love myself and be okay being alone.  God put the people in my life to learn how to be healthy and sufficient in myself.

He never meant for me to live here for ever.  The people and things that cause one to take root in a community are simply not here -not the least of which is a community of faith in which I can fully participate and feel attached to.

At first I wondered what was wrong with me, then what was wrong with my parish... and was led to realize that things are exactly as they should be given how life is unfolding.  If I felt this place was one I would reside permanently, then I would not be making any effort to see if I am really where I am supposed to be.

It isn't simply a gypsy heart that calls me toward the horizon, it is God who knows what is already there for me.