2013

So, I was thinking that the last time I felt truly centered and stable and good in my own skin was in April. I remember a few moments in San Francisco (I was on a work trip a couple peeps kept me company on!) when I felt positively radiant. Strong. Happy. Self confident. I also remember the moment that same week my whole world got shaken, I slid off my center, and it's been a scramble to get back on my game.

I want to get back there.

2012 was really difficult... It was, as they say, a season for growth and depth I did not ask for, and yet received anyway. This was a season I am soberly grateful for, although that gratitude is frankly more intellectual than hearty right now. My heartfelt gratitude is reserved for knowing that without being stable when everything got cracked up, I would not have survived.

God gave me 2011 so I could withstand 2012. I did not see that until just now.

I CAN get back to center, but I had to take a hard look at what was really slipping this past year. This was a desert time... I rarely felt the presence of God and wondered rather frequently if He even existed and if He does, does He even care about me in any small way?

It got very dark very often. It is hard to be alone in the world.

My theme song for 2013 is You Are I Am by MercyMe. The reason this calls to me, I think, is that throughout this entire time, God knew the big picture. He has actually been with me through all of this, and has never left me to face anything alone.

My goal for 2013 is to trust that knowledge. I think it is in that trust that I will regain my center.