A Rose by Any Other Name ...

So, I've been pondering the name thing lately.

It is no secret that I have an active dislike for my first name.  The reasons are too complex to go into here, but suffice to say, I have been QUITE content to go by "Amy" -my family nickname for me- in all social situations.  My mom always always called me Amy and apparently that was actually supposed to be my name until fate intervened.  The only people who call me Anne are those whom I've met through work.

When I was in the convent, my name was Sr. Michaeleen, which is my middle name.  I loved it.  I'm actually quite fond of my middle name.  Every once in a great while, I contemplate letting go of Anne completely and just going by my middle name.  Then I think of how complex that would make life for those around me, and eschew that idea.  So I am resigned to Anne being my "work" name.

Sometimes people ask me how to spell "Amy" and I say, it doesn't matter.  It's a nickname.  It appears on no legal documents and sometimes just to add a bit of excitement to my life, I change up how I myself spell it.  That's the freedom of a nickname, really.  Still, it feels more like my REAL name than my "real" name does.

The name "Amy" means "Beloved."  When I first learned that, and thought about all the implications of all my names and the complex relationship my mom and I had, it really touched me and brought me to tears.

No matter the long and sometimes hurtful history of the last 43 years, when I was born, I was wanted and cherished and beloved -so much so that my mom named me that.  My mother named me Beloved.  That was her name for me.

Okay, so it still brings me to tears sometimes.

The sheer BIGNESS of love sometimes takes my breath away.  We all love quite imperfectly but just the love being there makes up for so many other things.

I think that is why I am so drawn to spiritual things... so much of theology and philosophy and ethics just boils down to the concept of love, and how we act on that love.  Our greatest example is Christ himself, who out of sheer love for all of us, allowed Himself to be tortured and killed.

So maybe what I REALLY like about being called Amy by my friends and family, is that they are all calling me Beloved.

And I really love that thought.