Death is a Good Joke

In the same week a dear friend had a baby, I found out that a couple I am remotely acquainted with are having twin boys and another dear dear friend's father passed away.  (For the record, in that same week, I got unwelcome news from my asthma doc, closed a big gift for my university, had a few difficult work issues crop up, had a major car repair and learned a lot about football.)  So, I got a big bucketful of LIFE this past week.

I was so stoked to see the new pics of the new baby -she is so tiny and perfect and beautiful.  It was just joy and happiness for her family.

My friend Tracy and I had just been discussing that Ann had been out of contact for longer than usual when we received an email that she had spent the past week in her hometown with her dying father, who passed away on Friday.  Neither of us can go to the funeral, which is in Illinois, and so we are trying to be supportive remotely. 

Grief is normal and works itself out in odd ways, and takes longer than you think.  She asked how long it took me to get over my mom dying and I was honest... you never actually "get over" someone you really love dying.  You just get better at managing the pain and remembering that you are still alive and have things to take care of.  But you will always miss them and have a bit of a hole in your heart.

My sister in law told me that when my mom and brother died, because she had gone through it with her own dad when she was only 21.  And she was right.  It's good advice, so you don't feel weird about missing people who have been gone for 14 years... or one year... or one week.

Elizabeth Bishop said, "The art of losing isn't hard to master..." and I think in a way she is right.  As we move through life, we learn to hold everything lightly -people, places, things, expections, hopes, dreams, goals.  There will be a point, much sooner than you think, when you will have to let go of every single thing you love on this earth, if not before you die, well, certainly at death.

As part of our eternal life, we will be healed and our relationships will be healed and everyone we love restored to us.  It is a soothing thought.  And true that we are eternal beings.  I know my mom is actually alive.  My brothers, my grandparents, my cousin, my friends -all actually still alive.

As Hafiz says, Death is a good joke -too bad it isn't true.