I almost said, "Suck it!"

Let me set the scene:

I got up earlyish, worked out in the hotel gym (not a hard-hitting workout as I'm meeting my trainer tonight, but quite respectable) and after downing some fake eggs at the free hotel buffet, I realized I needed real coffee and headed to Panera down the street.

Panera is a wealth of temptation, and I succombed to a truly delicious chocolate croissant.  Quite justifiable, along with a small 20 oz coffee.

As I sat there reading Ann Landers and taking a quiet moment to savor real Costa Rican coffee, I noticed a man a few tables down looking at me.  When I looked at him, he looked away.  This went on for a while and finally I called over, "I'm sorry, do you know me?"  He shook his head, said, "Sorry!" and looked away.

I knew it wasn't over, but decided to stick around and see what this was about.  Besides, free refills on coffee.  I wasn't rushing anywhere.  He was drinking something and reading a paper.  He looked like he lives in a gym.

As he walked by me to leave, I could see him hesitate a moment, and I said to God, okay, please be here with me on this one, and the man turned to me and said, "Do you eat those all the time?  They are really bad for you."

Okay, it's one of THEM.

I said, "Why?  Did you spit on it?"

He cracked a smile and again hesitated and then said, "You are really pretty, you know.  You could be so hot if you lost some weight."

Apparently, God really did stick with me because instead of screeching, "SUCK IT!!" and scratching out his eyeballs and filling his skull with explosives, I smiled and said, "Would you like to sit down?"

I could tell he wanted to say no, but he for some reason, he DID sit down, and I said, "Hi, I"m Amy" and he replied, "Hi, I'm Rob."

I took a deep breath and asked, in my kindest I'm-not-going-to-scratch-your-eyeballs-out-and-fill-your-skull-with-explosives voice, "SO, why did you say that to me?  You don't even know me."

He looked terrorstricken for a moment then said, really slowly, "My mom died of diabetes.  It's just that being healthy is really important and I believe people ought to take care of themselves.  Sometimes I think people don't even try, and it just gets under my skin. I was rude. I shouldn't have said anything." and then he poured out his story, which is too long to relay here.  Apparently, he needed an ear.  And he is a computer programmer who does personal training on the side. He has two sisters who are overweight and a brother who sits around playing video games and smoking weed.

Cutting to the chase: Although that wasn't EXACTLY an apology, I said, "I forgive you.  But just as I could make judgements about you being an arrogant asshole gym rat, you made a judgment about me.  For all you know, I"m about to go to my mom's funeral and was just taking a break from the grief.  Or back from visiting my quadraplegic brother at the veteran's hospital" He looked horrified, so I quickly informed him neither scenerio was true in this case, but it COULD have been.

He was still sitting there, so I said, "The thing is, I spent the last couple years trying to be really healthy.  I lost a lot of weight and I actually AM really healthy.  You might not know that just to look at me drinking coffee and eating chocolate, and that's okay."

Rob said, "That's awesome, stay on track! And eat whatever you want to!"

And I laughed and said, "You don't need to give me permission -I give my own self permission."

He had the good grace to look a bit embarrassed and said, "I think it is great what you've done."

I took a deep breath and said, "The thing is, if you really CARE, you get to know people and encourage them and help them make good decisions.  Two years ago, that opening statement you made would have sent me down a spiral of me thinking I'm not living up to some stranger's idea of what I ought to look like.  It doesn't do any good and just creates more ugliness and fear in the world.  You seem like a basically nice guy.  Why create more sadness?  Isn't there enough already just from what life does to you?"

Then I shared a little bit more, "I've dealt with eating disorders and self-loathing all my life and was pretty unhealthy for a long time.  I have a bunch of brothers who never, ever bugged me about my weight, and did what they could to encourage me anyway.  And they are all kinds of athletic and run marathons and crazy stuff like that.  When I decided to do this for myself, they were on it like white on rice to help me find the right way for me.  BUT, until I decided to love my own self enough to do this for me, nothing they said would flip that switch.  If they had added their critical voices to ones already in my head, it would have been a much harder thing to do.

"Loving someone through whatever they are going through, watching them hurt themselves through their decisions, and still loving them and being there for them is the hardest thing in the world, but that's what love does.  Love means being there whether you approve or not, whether you agree or not, and whether you like it or not.  It doesn't mean allowing their crazy to take over your life, or rescuing anyone it means just loving them so that they know that they are lovable and worth knowing, even when by anyone else's standards, they aren't."

By this point, we both had tears in our eyes.  Two complete strangers who will never see each other again, and having an unforgettable moment.

I'm so glad I didn't just tell him to suck it.