Breaking Bad Habits

I have a host of bad habits.  I bite my fingernails, ignore bills until they are REALLY REALLY due, fight with people in my head, stew over problems, swear entirely too much, and eat way too much refined sugar.  And I am sure there are people in the world who would say that just scratches the surface of my sea of flaws.

Back during the surging days of an eating disorder, I had a terribly unhealthy habit.  I would curl up with a book in bed, and eat peanut M&Ms without limit.  That is kind of a gauge for me now... when I feel the impulse to curl up in bed and eat unreal amounts of M&Ms, I need an attitude check.  That occurred to me the other day when I was curled up in bed, reading a book, and eating an unreal amount of Reeses.  I had not done that in YEARS.  Hmmm.

On my way to work this morning, I could feel anxiety building in me as I thought of my massive to-do list, the chess game I call my personal finances, some big changes happening, and various expectations others have of me that I would really like to live up to.

As I turned on to the main road leading to my office, I said, right out loud, "STOP!  STOP THIS NOW!" The anxiety was starting to chew through the actually joyful attitude I'd held all weekend, actually for the last couple weeks.

I took a deep breath and said, out loud, "Lord Jesus, please enter into this. I don't know how this will all be resolved but You do, and please lead me toward Your solutions, whatever they are.  I will not let the demons of worry eat my happiness.  Please protect me from my own destructive thoughts, and anyone else's negativity.  I am rich in every way.  I am healthy.  I make good decisions when I keep my eyes on You.  With You, there is nothing I can't handle.  Thank You for Your love and protection."

I have had to repeat that a couple times as negative thoughts entered my head.  Every time I caught them, I just said, "Jesus, please come in to this" and stomped down the negative thought.  As the day is progressing... the thoughts are fewer are farther between.  God has it all handled.  I just have to show up.