If you know me for me than say, 5 minutes, you will come to know that I do not enjoy being touched by people I don't know. I'm not phobic about it, I just find it unsettling. So, I understand I have a higher-then-average sensitivity and that some people are all touchy-feely and that isn't bad either.
So, last night I was at a business dinner and one man there came up to me during the cocktail hour, stood next to me, and not only simply touched me, but stroked my back. I was nonplussed. Still, I thought I might be oversensitive, so I said nothing. He did it again. Then he made a couple off-color jokes. Then he rubbed the back of my neck. He'd had a few drinks. This continued occasionally over the course of the evening. BTW, I had known him less than half an hour. My breathing got shallow and my stomach felt like lead.
One would expect I would have handed his hands back to him in a bag, but I was so unnerved, I actually could not speak. I replayed it in my head as I tossed in bed later. Was I over-reacting? Was I being too sensitive? Did I do something to attract this attention? I just felt all icky.
This morning, I spoke to a friend who happens to be attending the same conference I am and asked, "Okay, this is what he did" and I demonstrated. Her eyes got big and she said, "No, that was wildly inappropriate. You should tell someone at his company."
I'm still in a bit of a quandry. I can feel the porcupine needles sprouting from my skin and my eyes getting all stony as my inner warrior princess pounds the spearbutt on the ground and shrieks, "I choose who touches me!" No one will likely sit next to me at lunch my shields are up so high.
So, my prayer today is that the love of the Lord be my sword and shield, and that His protection will make my porcupiney-ness unnecessary, and my breathing light and easy.
Perhaps an email directly to him first would be a better start than to go directly to his supervisor. He may feel quite embarrassed, and apologize.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins against you,b go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."
Ack! That was wildly inapproriate, and I'm pretty sure that no right-thinking person would think that's ok behaviour in a business meeting.
ReplyDeleteI don't like being touched by strangers either, and certainly not in such a manner. At the same time, though, I feel you that as women we often have that 'Be nice, ladies don't make a scene.' thing going through our minds. Email the man and address him by all means, but don't for one second let him convince you you're being hyper-sensitive.
You're an awesome pet-lamb xx
So wrong! That was inappropriate to the highest degree. Even just rubbing your back was wrong. I don't mind touch as much as you and I would have said something at the time.
ReplyDeleteYou were not being to sensitive. If it had been a colleague and they did that, it would also be inappropriate. A pat on the back or a squeeze on the arm is fine, but nothing beyond that unless you have a close personal relationship. Trust your instincts on this one.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Hello, dear ones! I just saw your comments! Thank you so much for your support and love!!
ReplyDeleteAs a follow-up, after I wrote this, I ran into one of his colleagues at the conference and after being a bit cagey, finally asked, "Is he like this every time he drinks??" and the guy said, well, sometimes he can be a bit inappropriate... Well, this morning I got a voicemail message on my work phone where the man in question called and left a very apologetic voicemail. SO, he did get the message, albeit indirectly.
Thank you for being so sweet to me about this. I was rather unnerved. ((hug)))
I'm catching up on some of your posts, so I'm getting to this way late!
ReplyDeleteI don't generally like to be touched by non-family members either. It is a violation of my personal space.
So I was just posting to say that I know exactly how you feel!
Thank you! ((hug))
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