His Grace is Enough... really???

My friend Betsy, who is awesome, shared a story recently to give me some hope.  She is well aware of how freakin tired I am of being alone, as in un-coupled, not as in a dramatic, "I am all alone in the world..."  Anyway, she shared the story of a friend who was praying and asked God that if He wanted her to be single the rest of her life, she was okay with that, but to give her a sign.  The very next day she met the man who eventually became her husband.

So I repeated my plea, Lord, my life is Yours, but I am tired of being alone and really, what do you want??? and opened up my book of daily meditations, and there was the answer: "My Grace is sufficient for you."

Oh, hell, no!  I slammed the book shut and mentally stomped off to fume.  NOT the answer I wanted on any level.  I shared that with Betsy at a soccer game later, and we both laughed.

Okay, so, God doesn't just tell me what I want to hear. FINE!

Still, over the past couple weeks since that discussion, I have been getting the repeated message that His Grace is enough.

No matter where I put the emphasis on the words in that sentence, it rings true, if I can accept it.

One of the ideas that has been repeated consistently lately is the knowledge that coming into my own identity meant the sloughing off of identities that simply weren't true.  One of these has been that much of my identity has been through other people -my mother's daughter, my brothers' sister, my friends' friend, my boss's downline staff, etc.  When I decided to figure out who I was, without anyone else's definition of me being the guideline, I realized quickly that I had accepted that my VALUE was through my human relationships and from being useful to them, and NOT needy, ever, not by simply being a child of God, belonging to Christ.

That is actually defining myself through a relationship, I know, but I'm strangely okay with that.  We all have to belong somewhere, and at least God actually knows me and He does not care how needy I get.  And I'm learning new things about myself all the time, like how I like my eggs cooked, and that I am freakishly strong for a woman, and that my favorite color is all of them.

And I am slowly, painstakingly learning that His Grace is, in fact, sufficient for me, because who I am is sufficient for Him.  He does not measure me by my productivity or my usefulness, but by His own Love for me, Who loved me into existence and Whose great Love nourishes and heals all.